Experiencing Emotions While Caring for Aging Relatives
Providing care for elderly loved ones often involves a roller coaster of emotions, with moments of joy intertwined with profound challenges.
Challenges of Caring for an Elderly Relative
As someone who has been caring for a relative for nine months, I've encountered a myriad of emotional and physical challenges that come with the role of a caregiver. My Dadi, or grandmother, was once a strong and beautiful woman. She managed all her daily chores, dropped us off at school, and picked us up. She was a vibrant and joyful lady, known for her charming personality and beautiful voice, as well as her habit of oiling and braiding my hair. However, she now finds herself in a difficult situation. One of her hands is paralysed, she cannot control her urine, and she is completely dependent on us. She's also in a constant state of sadness, crying and praying for Moksha.
Journey Through Aging and Caregiving
There are days when the energy consumed in taking care of an elderly person feels like a great drain, leaving you in dire need of a recharge. It can be emotionally taxing to witness your loved one go through such difficulties. The pain and helplessness can be overwhelming, making it challenging to continue providing care. It's crucial to remember the qualities that made your relative the person you knew and loved, such as her strength and resilience under previous circumstances.
I often reflect on the fact that my Dadi, despite her current state, still retains her charm and beauty. Even in this frail condition, the smile she gives for the camera never fades, and her spirit remains unbroken. This serves as a reminder that despite the physical changes, their essence as a person remains intact. This is both comforting and motivating for the caregiver.
Other Family Caregivers’ Experiences
The experiences of caring for an elderly relative can be quite different in various family dynamics. Take, for example, the situation with my mother, who is 99 years old. She lacks a sense of style and often wears the same house coat for extended periods without changing. This poses not only an aesthetic challenge but also one of hygiene, as she may sit in the same uncontaminated house coat day in and day out. It's difficult to address this situation without hurting her feelings, as it's a personal boundary that needs to be respected and delicately nudged by loved ones.
One of the daily challenges is the decision of whether to move an elderly relative to a senior residence equipped with modern amenities. While this might seem like a solution, it comes with its own set of challenges. The elderly person often has another family member living with them, such as a younger sibling with developmental delays or intellectual disabilities. This companionship is vital for the older relative but can complicate the decision to find a new living arrangement that better suits their needs.
Moreover, it is disheartening to see other caregivers demeaning their clients, using phrases like "good job!" which can make the clients feel like they are being treated like children. Age does not diminish an individual’s capacity for independence or adult reasoning, and such patronizing remarks can be deeply hurtful. As family caregivers, it is essential to respect the autonomy and dignity of elderly individuals, treating them with the same consideration and respect we would afford any adult in a similar situation.