The Cheesy 80s: Unforgettable Bad Songs from an Era of Iconic Hits

The 80s, a decade dominated by iconic and beloved hits, also produced a series of songs that have become painfully memorable. As we sift through the era’s mainstream pop and rock landscape, these tracks stand out as harbingers of the bizarre cheesiness that permeated the decade. Let’s dive into this list of some of the worst songs from the 1980s, generation-defining tunes that have earned a rightful place in music history. Not for the faint of heart, but for history buffs and nostalgic music lovers alike.

An Ugly Medley of Bad Songs

Does anyone remember the 1989 album Alyssa Milano released? If you can recall any of those songs, do share them, as they add to the conversation on the 80s. This list isn’t just limited to mainstream pop and rock; it spans various genres and artists to capture the essence of an era that, in its best and worst, embodied the peculiarities of its time.

1. Too Shy - Kajagoogoo (1983)

Kajagoogoo's sales pitch for a lemon-scented lotion. Utterly nonsensical lyrics that combine the subtlety of a brick wall with the impact of a blunder. The song is one of the worst examples of 80s pop, a testament to the era's peculiarities and the band's lack of lyrical prowess.

2. I Know What Boys Like - The Waitresses (1982)

Arguably the nadir of 80s pop, this song is a fail in every sense. Ugh, to put it mildly. ‘Nuff said. The Waitresses delved into the realm of the unimaginative, creating a song that is embarrassing both musically and lyrically.

3. Stand - REM (1989)

This is a case of smashing bands failing with bad songs. REM, while a renowned indie rock band, produced an effort with "Stand" that is quite forgettable. The song lacks the energy and intent that made their earlier tracks so memorable.

4. Wango Tango - Ted Nugent (1980)

With Ted Nugent, you know you're in for a bad time. Adding "Wango Tango" to the list is a nod to the antics of the 80s and the bizarre shock value of certain musicians. Nugent has never been known for subtlety or sophistication, and his choice of words and lyrics only further confirm this.

5. We Are The World - Various Artists (1985)

This song was a sappy and understated effort, almost as if the authors wanted to make listeners feel warm and fuzzy without any genuine musical or lyrical substance. While it was meant to bring people together, the execution fell flat.

6. Abracadabra - Steve Miller (1982)

You have to wonder if Steve Miller realized that this song wasn't his best work. The lyrics and melody didn't have the sheer polish and charm that made his earlier tracks such classics. The 80s were about substance, and when that substance was lacking, the results were often cringe-worthy.

7. Mickey - Toni Basil (1981)

One of the worst songs of the 80s, and one of the worst covers ever, "Mickey" is a true monument to the era's peculiarities. The lyrics and melody are as inane as they are catchy, making it a relic for music critics and fans of the unusual.

8. Maniac - Michael Sembello (1983)

Manichean in its simplicity, "Maniac" is a prime example of an 80s pop song that tried to be a hit but failed miserably in both execution and impact. The ultra-synthetic feel of the song, combined with its repetitive and unimaginative lyrics, made it a surprising lullaby for the decade's massive dance trends.

9. Leather and Lace - Patricia Kaas (1986)

While not the worst song of all time, "Leather and Lace" is a prime example of a boy-girl duet where the girl sings a line, then the guy, then a harmony chorus. Songs like these are a relic of the 80s, often filled with regrettably inane lyrics and a cheese factor that even Ernest Hemingway would find offensive.

10. Milli Vanilli

Every song by this discredited duo stands as a monument to musicianship that isn't just bad but non-existent. Their lip-syncing scandal was well-documented, turning their name into a punchline, but their songs were so unimaginative that they sunk without a trace.

The True “Worst” Songs No One Remembers

There are also the songs that no one remembers—the ones that never found their way into the mainstream and were left to fade into obscurity. For example, the "Stars On ... " medley, which was a 1-hit wonder in June 1981, serves as a testament to the era’s vast tapestry of forgotten tracks. Albums and songs that were released but never saw the light of day in single form are essentially non-existent memories in the collective consciousness.

Conclusion

The 1980s were an era filled with both musical brilliance and bizarre cheesiness. While the greatest hits of the decade continue to be celebrated, songs like those mentioned here stand as a reminder of the varied nature of music during a time when American pop culture was just … tacky. So, the next time you think about the 1980s, remember that it was not just about the hits—sometimes, it was about the misses.