The Reality of Aging Narcissists: A Former Caregiver’s Perspective
As I age, I often encounter stories of extended family members or friends who struggle with narcissistic tendencies. This experience inspired me to reflect on what happens when narcissistic individuals age and whether they improve or simply become more problematic. Understanding the nature of narcissism and its manifestations can help in navigating these challenging situations.
Understanding Narcissists
Narcissists can be categorized into two primary types: full psychopaths and those with mental issues. Full psychopaths lack empathy and cannot be expected to change, although respect can still be maintained. However, for those with mental issues, there is hope for improvement with proper treatment and support. Many narcissists from a mental issue background see themselves as special and are often coddled, leading to issues like alcoholism, opiate abuse, and toxic relationships. When the narcissist is no longer able to contribute financially, life changes dramatically for the individuals who have grown dependent on them.
The Reality of Aging Narcissists
Aging narcissists may become more difficult and abrasive, with no self-awareness or willingness to change. I have known a few who did not improve with age, adding to the challenges of caregiving. Here is a firsthand example of one such individual who moved into my home years ago:
I dated this person for a few years, but when he suddenly moved in months early without consulting me, it was clear that he placed his needs above mine. This behavior continued, and he expected me to care for him in a way that was unsustainable and emotionally taxing. He was oblivious to the impact of his actions, and his priorities were clearly not aligned with anyone else's. His selfishness and lack of empathy made it difficult to maintain any sort of functional relationship.
Challenges of Caregiving
The responsibilities of caring for an aging narcissist are overwhelming and often debilitating. Some key challenges include:
Repeated disappointments and heartache from emotionally abusive behavior Financial strain due to their unrealistic expectations and poor money management Physical and emotional labor with no reciprocal support Health issues and chronic medical conditions requiring constant attention Lack of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, leading to constant conflictsThese individuals often expect their caregivers to do everything for them, from cooking several meals a day to running errands and managing their medical appointments. Their care demands are relentless, and it is common for them to act entitled and manipulative. Gaslighting and outright lies are often used to gain what they want.
Outcomes and Consequences
Unfortunately, the cycle of dependency and manipulation can continue until the narcissist's resources and supportive network are exhausted. When family and friends realize the situation, it is often too late. These older narcissists may end up alone, having exhausted everyone around them. A few possible outcomes include:
Forming relationships with empathetic, but often unaware, individuals who take on the role of caregiver Enduring a lonely existence with chronic health issues and financial challenges Finding professional caregiving assistance and using family and friends' resources to maintain their lifestyleReal-Life Example
A few months back, I had to kick out one such individual. He moved into my home, convinced that his presence was my problem. Over time, his selfish behavior and constant conflicts made life untenable. I had to find a way to protect my well-being and maintain my sanity. It was a relief when I finally managed to remove him from my home and reclaim my life.
Conclusion
While aging narcissists can pose significant challenges, recognizing the signs and taking appropriate action can help mitigate the negative impact. As a former caregiver to an older narcissist, I can attest to the difficulties involved. By understanding the nature of narcissism and being prepared for the challenges, it is possible to safeguard one's well-being and relationships.